


Venting

by Kawaii_Mocha



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kawaii_Mocha/pseuds/Kawaii_Mocha
Summary: This is just me just taking shut from my diary entry and putting it here because I’m tired so fuck it I honestly don’t care anymore.Also there’s probably gonna have a lot of misspelling I don’t check my grammar while crying yk.





	1. &@/

I literally wanna cry just thinking abt it like honestly wtf why do you keep saying I’ll leave I won’t omg just listen to me I said I wouldn’t I literally put a love spell on you so YOU wouldn’t leave me like wtf why do you keep acting like that I’m scared of losing you why would I leave you when I’m just so scared of YOU leaving me I like you so much I think it’s an obsession I don’t why you’d ever think I’d leave you you said because I talk to &@/ a lot you really think I’d trade &@/ over you wow NO I wouldn’t why would you even think that I hated &@/ I thought &@/ was annoying I hated them so much I’m pretty sure I wanted them to die WHY? BECAUSE I FELT LIKE YOU LIKED &@/ MORE THAN ME you don’t know how much I felt you wouldn’t understand I understood it tho atleast I tried to because you felt happy while talking to them and that was good enough for me you were happy that was good enough but the thing is it wasn’t good enough but I kept lying to myself it was why can’t you just listen to me.  
JUST STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.  
Okay I’m “better” why can’t I stop lying to myself omg I hate it so much why can’t you just listen it’s not that hard why do you keep thinking that I literally said I loved you two times it’s fine to doubt it but please just don’t for now it just hurts a lot and the thing is it’s not like I can talk to you about it because why would I I’m pretty sure you already like someone else so why would I interfere with that maybe just maybe you might still like me and the spell might have worked or it could have just like i forgot the word FUCK omg what’s the word ugh maybe it did work but then it like idk I forgot the word omg came back to bite me idk I forgot it whatever it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine of course it is if you’re happy that’s good enough the point is you being happy idc about me if you’re okay that’s what matters not me why would me being okay matter that’s literally stupid I just really hope you get better I don’t care about myself anymore just please be okay.  
(I remembered the word btw backfired)


	2. Uh idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh I doubt anyone will see this but i made a second one Hi again Ig.

I might change my major or maybe do both? Idk I wanna major in psychology bu to also wanna major in philosophy especially knowing we learn metaphysical stuff idk it’s just stuff I’m really into I have to search up if I can major in two things idk ugh it just seems so fucking cool omg I’m gonna shift but looking at this stuff is also so cool ughhhh people say do what you want yk what’s calling to you and that’s what I wanna do omg there I go again getting emotional ugh why can’t I just stop it’s so annoying I keep crying and I can’t stop it and it’s for no reason my dad literally gets mad at me for crying for no reason but do you think I can fucking help it of course not I can’t help it I cry because idk I’m sensitive I’m emotional and you yelling at me to stop crying isn’t gonna make me stop crying I hate myself so much sometimes and I honestly just seems like I’m a bother why don’t I just fucking die or something his is so annoying I wanna kill myself sometimes not right now I’m fine for now I’m stable but it’s still there yk the darkness that could so easily be let out I could probably do my school essays over this yk just me ranting it would probably be very long but I can’t because CSP might come to my house actually no but something would definitely happen and I’d probably have to go back to therapy yk how I made a whole thing just for the fact I’m in love with _ well I still am but it’s become easier to deal with it atleast I know _ wants to break up with - that’s good I’m obviously encouraging it not because I love _ if _ doesn’t seem genuinely happy then he shouldn’t be with person and force themselves to be with them even if it may hurt the other person because if you stay with them without liking them you’ll probably cause more harm than good I talk to _ not for personal gain or anything I’d feel too selfish like that I help them because I genuinely care obviously since I said I loved them but like me encouraging _ to break up with - wasn’t over personal gain so _ would love me I did it for _, if _ isn’t happy why are they together idc I’m used to the point _ will never like me back it’s fine but yk sometimes my heart gives me hope even just a little bit whenever that hope is crushed it hurts so much but I can deal with it I’ve learned to deal with it I’ve learned to suck it up even if it hurts me I got really off topic didn’t I oh well it’s the usual I often get off topic why do i always make thing about myself tho like someone could be like oh I broke my arm and then I’d be like omg really me too when I was 8 I broke my arm riding my bicycle it went in the train tracks so it fell like I do it without even realizing and I realize it’s such a Leo trait like omg but I can’t help but I do it I do it without damn realizing I am it’s so weird whenever I realize cause it happens so much but oh well.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh Ig you know shit abt me, not even my parents do so Hi my names Lilith  
> Also, &@/ is someone’s name you probably know that by now but anyway I'm not gonna put their name for privacy reasons so like yeah- I’ll see you next chapter I guess. :/


End file.
